Mr. Morrison's Super Slanderous Superstar Sessions- July 7, 2011: Brodus Clay

Hello there, this is a weekly blog on a certain superstar I choose each week and I tell you their major flaws and why they may not even deserve their contract. This week, I'm gonna pick on one of the most worthless WWE superstars since Hornswoggle. Some of us know him, most people really shouldn't. Im referring to Smackdown's Brodus Clay of course. This six foot eight, 367 pound monster of a human being got his start on WWE's NXT on WWE.com. He was eliminated, but of course, much like every season of NXT has gone so far, he was contracted anyway. He did about two matches or so before getting put in a stable with Alberto Del Rio. As we all know, Del Rio carried him throughout his career, even landing him an appearance at the grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania 27. Now, I respect the fact that he paid his dues to get where he is now, I really do, but if you have the charisma level of David Otunga, I don't want to watch you every week on the better of the two main shows (Smackdown). He has that generic big man feel to me and just because Vince loves huge men, it doesn't always mean they have talent. Sure, Brodus Clay is a powerhouse, but he is a very limited powerhouse, because it seems like all he knows how to do is a powerslam, a chothesline, screaming "SHEAAAA!" This man has some flash in his moves, but it's nothing major. It's kind of like watching a Rey Mysterio match, he does a few flashy tricks that make you go ooo ahh but then he gets stale after the first minute of competition. I am aware that this man is not on tv as much as he used to be, which is good, but he is still one of WWE's biggest hemorrhoids. Brodus Clay is more stale than a two month old chocolate chip cookie, but at least chocolate chip cookies can keep your interest.


See? You probably just looked at that cookie wallet longer than a Brodus Clay match.

Let's face it, Brodus Clay is a very poor man's version of Umaga or Big Show and needs to go back to FCW or wherever he came from. If you think he is a good wrestler, that's your opinion, but to tell you the truth, I don't and never will care to watch any of his past or future matches because he is just so boring. Thank you for reading and I hope you "tune in" next week when I rip on TNA's Matt Hardy.

Lineup of Upcoming Rips July 14-September 8
July 14- Matt Hardy
July 21- Jeff Hardy
July 28- Hornswoggle
August 4- Yoshi Tatsu
August 11- Rey Mysterio
August 18- Jimmy and Jey Uso
August 25- Trent Barreta
September 1- Alicia Fox
September 8- Tyler Reks

FINALLY! SOMETHING INTERESTING ON THURSDAY NIGHTS!

BRODUS CLAY UPDATE 2012: Monday night on RAW, Brodus Clay made his "triumphant" return to the ring as the "Funkasaurus." I cannot begin to explain just how stupid of a gimmick this is. First, all I see is a blatant rip off of Flash Funk with the bodily figure of Bastion Booger. It's good that WWE tried to get rid of the always generic big man gimmick, but this is definitely NOT an improvement to his character. Did you happen to hear the "excitement" from the crowd when he came out? I sure didn't. They sounded about as bored as the moment Grand Master Sexay came back, and that was honest to God brutal to watch. No matter how many people actually like him (which is probably about 2-3 people), he will always be a bland, stale, non-charismatic excuse of what a professional wrestler is. I cared for this gimmick and return about as much as a 10 hour NOVA documentary on public television.