Mr. Morrison's Super Slanderous Superstar Sessions- August 4, 2011: Yoshi Tatsu

"YOSHI, FIX THE LIGHTS!!!" A memorable quote created by our own RelentlessRay that really says just how bad of a job that Yoshi Tatsu is doing in entertaining us and many people around the globe. Yoshi Tatsu is a Japanese-born professional wrestler that got his start in WWE by debuting on ECW during the "new superstar initiative." This guy is hardly a superstar and more along the lines of lunch meat for almost everyone in WWE. He appeals to the very small children audience mainly because he jumps around all happy like a Japanese Doink the Clown. At least Doink won matches, seriously, when is the last time you saw Yoshi win a wrestling match? The answer should be along the lines of "who is Yoshi Tatsu?" or "hey, isn't that the cute green dinosaur on Mario?" Yoshi has no mic skills, no in ring ability, and he only possesses charisma when he is heading down the ramp doing his "somebody notice me!" routine. I have viewed his signature moves and it seems he only knows how to do a variation of kicks and one submission hold. You need more than that to be considered a good in ring competitor and not a jobber. Also, his entrance music should not even be considered music. I know that it is supposed to be related to his culture, but it honestly just sounds like a baby doing techno music. That adds to the many reasons I cannot stand Yoshi. It pleases me to know that he is only featured mainly on Superstars and house shows because he ruins the television experience whenever he comes on. Yoshi needs some serious training if he wants to "be like Mitsuharu Misawa" because right now he is more on the level of Hornswoggle when it comes to in ring and microphone ability. Yoshi Tatsu should NEVER be considered on the same level as the late great Misawa because that would be disrespectful to Misawa and his family. This just goes to show that not all Japanese wrestlers should be in this business because if you don't have what it takes to entertain your audience, then you may need to find a different career path, like working at a Chinese restaurant in a mall, because at least there some people might notice Yoshi and say "hey we should go get food from there." In that situation at least Yoshi would be selling some kind of merchandise because it's sure not happening in WWE. If you ever have/had the displeasure of seeing Yoshi Tatsu in action, I highly suggest you swab out your eyes with some eye drops because prolonged exposure of Tatsu to the eyes can cause brain damage and the sudden urge to eat sushi.
Thanks for "tuning in" and I will see you next week when I lay the verbal smackdown on the always selfish Rey Mysterio.

Lineup of Upcoming Rips August 11-September 22
August 11- Rey Mysterio
August 18- Michael Cole
August 25- Trent Barreta
September 1- Alicia Fox
September 8- Tyler Reks
September 15- Jack Swagger
September 22- Jinder Mahal
FINALLY! SOMETHING INTERESTING ON THURSDAY NIGHTS!

*Note* Lineups are subject to change